Saturday, 11 July 2009

Week 2 ~ Beginnings


Is it ironic that for the chapter on beginnings,
I nearly failed to begin?
But for the commitment of posting here,
I would have stumbled at the first hurdle!

Why are beginnings so difficult?
Sure there are those days,
like the start of new romance,
where you are filled with promise and inspiration;
but they are few and far between.

Most of the time
I am just trying to coax the barely smoking embers,
into the dancing and glowing flames I admire in other peoples fire...

But one of the realisations I have been having of late,
is this need to start somewhere ~
and often not the place I've idealised ~
to get where you need to go to.
And yes,
that journey will more than likely have some extra stops,
some will be welcome surprises,
others not so much.
But you got to keep going.

I really wanted to create a page in my art journal to celebrate beginnings.
I wanted it to be the first page in my new moeskine journal which I knew if I didn't just begin,
I would be forever waiting for the divine inspiration worthy of it's creamy beige pages.

I had no idea what to do,
so I just started.
Layer after layer,
things were just not looking right.
In fact they were looking as far from right as I could imagine!
At one point I wanted to cry.
I couldn't believe I had been so foolhardy,
beginning with no plan,
and ruining the first pages of my new journal...
And then,
divine inspiration came...

The page above is my homage to beginnings.

5 comments:

  1. Oh it's beautiful! You are so talented and brave. I have two moleskine journals that my brother gave me for my birthday two years ago and neither of them have even a pencil mark. I shudder to think of putting anything in them.

    I did stumble at the first hurdle and I'm so sorry. You have worked so hard to create this space and update regularly and I just dropped the ball.

    gina

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  2. no worries gina, these things happen...
    life happens! :)

    hope you still pop by and say hi though!

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  3. Stephen King says nothings scares him more than writing the 1st word to a novel. I don't know why it's so hard to start but it's like asking someone out, it's not that hard but we fear it. We're afraid we'll be laughed at or rejected or looked down upon. I agree with Oriah that whenever I sit down to write, every mental problem that I have just perks right up: excessive hand washing, the sudden need to clean out the kitchen drawers, the need to go to the bathroom 10 times an hour, etc. It's sooo silly but I guess we all do it. I think I'm most afraid of being disappointed again. I'm afraid that the writing won't be any good and that it will be another waste of effort. But nevertheless I keep trying hoping that a few of the spaghetti that I throw at the wall will stick.

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  4. I think the problem I have with starting is fear of commitment. I'm happier with my ideas floating around in my head where they are safe. It's the difference between fantasy and reality that scares me. Sort of like dreaming about the perfect guy as opposed to waking up with him every morning.

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  5. I think also we put such pressure for ourselves to perform "up to our own standard." I know I do. I grew up with a mother that said "if you couldn't be the best at something, then don't do it." talk about screwing your kids up for a life time worth of therapy-right? Sometimes I don't want to write because I just feel defeated. Defeated by these censors that keep playing in my head.....

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